Kelly Brook In PIRANHA 3D - Movie Review

Kelly Brook In PIRANHA 3D - Movie Review

Mark Zuckerberg was eaten by piranhas?! Now who is going to needlessly make changes to Facebook that nobody asked for?! This is “Movie Night”!

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Hello, and welcome to “Movie Night.” I'm your host, in need of a desperate haircut, Jonathan Paula.

Tonight, we'll be talking a look at two films from last fall, the first of which is the critically acclaimed "The Social Network."

Released on October 1st, 2010, and brand-new on DVD this week, this extremely well-written film directed by David Fincher...

is a biographical drama that chronicles the rise of Facebook.com and its CEO, Mark Zuckerberg.

The screenplay for this movie was brilliantly written by Hollywood veteran Aaron Sorkin, who adapted the story from the 2009 book, "The Accidental Billionaires"...

which itself tells the true story of how Zuckerberg "borrowed" a simple idea and turned it into one of the world's largest websites, to become the world's youngest billionaire at age 26.

Almost a dead-ringer for the real Zuckerberg, Jesse Eisenberg does an absolutely fantastic job with Sorkin's quick dialogue...

portraying just the right amount of excitement and sarcasm needed for the character.

Andrew Garfield and Justin Timberlake round out the supporting cast with equally stellar performances...

as Timberlake is quickly making a legitimate run at a great acting career.

While almost the entire 121-minute runtime is spent listening to people talk and argue back and forth...

the real entertainment here comes from watching and learning about the humble beginnings of Zuckerberg's success.

Personally, I first heard about TheFacebook my first week of college in September of 2004.

So, for me, it was great to be able to re-live the early days of that site; it really brought back some great memories.

But my fond nostalgia was not enough to blind me from some of the film’s faults.

Sure, the dialog is amazingly well-written, but, like most of Sorkin's work, it's almost TOO well-written...

with some character exchanges feeling unrealistic, and almost rehearsed.

Sadly, though, that's the entire movie: people eloquently talking to each other, back and forth, for two hours.

When the climax finally does arrive, it is satisfying from an emotional standpoint, but you can't help but want more out of this film.

Obviously, as with any non-fiction tale, "The Social Network" is bound to the confines of actual history...

leaving it up to the on-screen text at the end of the movie to fill in the ending to the whole story.

That being said, however, the film is refreshingly engaging and engrossing...

expertly interweaving the narratives of both Facebook's genesis and Zuckerberg's many legal battles several years later.

"The Social Network"- Expertly written, but nothing remarkable.

Now that you've heard my review, let’s read some of yours.

Now that we've seen your reviews, let’s see how "The Social Network" ranked on the Rate-o-Matic.

An “8” and a “9”! Sure, this was an expertly made film, but at times, it felt more like a documentary than a compelling drama.

It was just missing something to put it over the edge. I scored it a “great.”

You folks mostly agreed, heavily praising the quick writing and acting, scoring it an “awesome.”

Now, for our second film, to switch gears completely, let's take a look at “Piranha.”

This 2010 3D horror film is a remake of the original 1978 classic that itself was almost a horror-spoof of the classic “Jaws" film from 1975.

As you'd expect, the plot here is very simple: An earthquake opens the bottom of Lake Victoria the week of Spring Break...

resulting in schools of flesh-eating piranhas to be released from their underwater lair, to wreak havoc on society.

And right from the start, this tongue-in-cheek movie puts the pedal to the metal and doesn't let up.

The first scene of the film has veteran actor and “Jaws” star, Richard Dreyfuss, fishing on a dingy...

signing "Show Me the Way to Go Home," in a terrifically obvious nod to the film that inspired this entire sub-genre of horror films.

From there, the movie piles on the ridiculous plot elements necessary for the maximum number of people to be eaten alive.

The police don't know what they're doing, until several people have already died? Check!

Hundreds of Spring Break-goers not listening to warnings to stay out of the water? Check!

Our hero getting stranded on a sinking boat in the middle of the lake? Check!

Credit director Alexandre Aja for knowing exactly what his audience wants- ample, and sometimes disgustingly large, amounts of graphic gore...

plenty of nudity, including an already iconic underwater nude scene with Kelly Brook; and the legend himself, Christopher Lloyd...

in a supporting role so over the top as a scientist, he might just have well been Doc Brown, circa 2010.

The main set-piece of the movie is when the piranhas start eating the Spring Break-goers by the dozen.

The scene is as incredibly entertaining as it is terrifying, with body parts literally floating everywhere.

The visuals effects work to achieve most of this gore is actually rather seamless, but the CGI piranhas that caused it all are not as convincing.

The film is low-brow popcorn entertainment that allows you to shut off your brain and just watch some incredibly graphic and gratifying action.

As corny and as gimmicky as “Piranha” is, there are surprisingly a few nail-biting scenes that are genuinely suspenseful.

But this is a horror film that sadly is never really scary, save for a few jump-out scare moments that lose some of their effectiveness in 2D, anyway.

If you're in the mood for a fun-time and don't mind a movie that probably would have been better suited with an “NC-17” rating...

you really can't go wrong with “Piranha.” "Ridiculously graphic entertainment, if corny."

Well, that's what I thought about “Piranha.” Now, let’s see what you had to say in the YouTube comments.

Some very mixed reactions there, so let’s see how “Piranha” ranked on the Rate-o-Matic.

A “great” and a “meh”! That's right- I went there! I gave this pile of trash the same rating as "The Social Network," an Academy Award-favorite.

But honestly, “Piranha” knows what it's trying to be, and at a pure entertainment level, this movie had me completely hooked from start to finish. I gave it an “8.”

But apparently, many of you weren't able to appreciate the film as I did, and scored the film much more harshly, with an average rating of “4.”

Well, that does it for tonight's films. Now, let’s take a look at what's currently playing in theaters, with some Tweet Critiques.

Remember, if you're going to the movies this weekend, make sure to submit your Twitter review, using the #JPMN hashtag, to have it featured on an upcoming episode.

Next week, we'll be reviewing "The Switch," a quirky romantic comedy about an unlikely sperm donor starring Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. It comes out on DVD Tuesday.

And for a change of pace from all these great films we've been watching, the second film next week will be "Troll 2," widely regarded as one of the worst films ever made.

As always, I encourage you to buy, rent, or download these films, and then let me know what you think about them, by voting in the polls below, or by leaving me a comment review.

Once again, my name is Jonathan Paula. Thank you so much for watching “Movie Night.” I hope to see you right back here next Friday!

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