Russel Crow Escapes Police In THE NEXT THREE DAYS -- Movie Review

Russel Crow Escapes Police In THE NEXT THREE DAYS -- Movie Review

Okay, so you've successfully broken out of prison, but now, you need to select a location where you'll be able to hide away for the rest of your life.

You could pick Venice, Italy. Sure, it's a nice location... But then, you'd have to deal with Johnny Depp's fake accents for the rest of your life! This is “Movie Night”!

*theme song plays*

Hello, and welcome to “Movie Night.” I'm your host, Jonathan Paula.

On tonight's episode, we'll be taking a look at two movies that made their way to DVD this month, the first of which is the thriller/romance film, "The Tourist."

Johnny Depp stars as a hapless American on holiday in Venice, Italy who suddenly finds himself caught up in an international manhunt...

when he is mistaken for the husband of a rouge Interpol agent, played by Angelina Jolie.

As this odd couple flees the authorities over the rooftops and in the canals of Venice, an incredibly bland and unconvincing romance also develops.

If executed correctly, movies like this one, deliberately slow-paced romance thrillers with plenty of plot twists...

can easily be pulse-pounding adventures, like the brilliant Kevin Costner film, "No Way Out," from 1987.

Sadly, though, "The Tourist" fails at being entertaining in almost every conceivable way possible.

Not even Jolie and Depp's unarguable beauty and charm are able to save this boring and seemingly never-ending waste of time.

With all high-stakes scenarios, any self-respecting film needs to provide the audience with a type of patsy character...

someone for the viewer to experience the events of the film with, through their eyes and their reactions.

Early on, it seems that Depp is that person, our protagonist throughout the film, but the movie is missing many key scenes of discovery...

awareness, and confusion about his new situation, making it nearly impossible for the audience to feel any sympathy or excitement about his dilemma.

If the characters we're watching seemingly have no issue with suddenly being chased down by Italian police through Venice, then why should we care about them?

Perhaps one could overlook our emotionless protagonist and focus on the exciting action and romance.

Unfortunately, "The Tourist" doesn't deliver there, either. The sequences designed to be suspenseful or thrilling...

are unmotivated, unoriginal, and they rarely, if ever, advance the plot.

While Angelina Jolie is certainly easy on the eyes in this film, she, too, brings almost no chemistry or personality to her character...

leaving the viewer stranded, without a reason to care for anyone, for the 103-minute run-time. All isn't lost, however.

The plot itself, involving doppelgangers and international espionage, is an interesting one, especially after a late third-act twist.

It simply isn't nearly enough to redeem or even explain the insignificant events that came before it.

"The Tourist"- "Unmotivated, wasted potential. Simply boring."

Well, that was my harsh review. Now, let's see what you had to say about it in the YouTube comments.

Some mixed opinions there, so let's bring in the Rate-o-Matic, to see how we both scored "The Tourist."

A “3” and a “5”! This film was nothing but lost opportunities, and it failed to ever really take off. I thought it was “bad.”

Your reviews were slightly less critical, but few of you had anything overwhelmingly positive to say about it. You thought it was an “alright” movie.

Now, for tonight's second film, let's take a look at "The Next Three Days."

A remake of the 2007 French film, "Anything for Her," this prison break-themed thriller often feels like a modern-day “Shawshank Redemption"...

and in other scenes, a poor man's "Prison Break," which is ironic, as “Prison Break” was a TV show with a far smaller budget.

Russell Crowe stars as John Brennan, a mild-mannered schoolteacher who is adjusting to life with his son after his wife is arrested and sent to jail on murder charges.

As is the norm in prison movies, John's wife, Lara, played by a curiously miscast Elizabeth Banks...

vehemently denies the charges, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Although this film lacks a crucial extra scene before the murder where we really get to connect with the characters or sympathize with the family dynamic...

it IS evident that John wishes to bring his family back together, no matter what the cost.

Now in prison for three years, after Lara's last appeal is finally denied, John takes matters into his own hands.

The middle act of the film then plays out eerily similarly to "Prison Break": a smart man with no history of violence or crime...

takes it upon himself to learn everything about a prison, especially its weak points, in hopes of one day breaking out his loved one.

As we are witnesses to one man's struggle to support his family and maintain his job while simultaneously spending his nights...

in back alleys securing forged passports, "The Next Three Days" really shines.

It's an exciting examination of John's determination and stubbornness, even willing to rob drug dealers at gunpoint for extra spending money.

It is, however, in the climatic final act where the movie begins to falter. Moved to a life of crime, deception, and lies...

it becomes increasingly difficult to root for our protagonist, who rarely shows any sense of regret or guilt over the terrible actions he's forced to take to save his wife.

The attempted break-out scenes themselves are intense, emotional, and nail-biting, but they rely too heavily on coincidence, and eventually, over-stay their welcome.

Sporting his best American accent, Crowe does a rather serviceable job in the lead role, but the supporting cast around him is mostly forgotten...

with great actors like Daniel Stern, Liam Neeson, and Olivia Wilde merely reduced to cameo-like roles.

Banks is convincing, if out of place, as Lara, who seems perfectly content with her life now in prison, and rather unappreciative of John's escape plans.

Similarly to the classic “Shawshank Redemption,” this film is about John taking justice in his own hands...

forced to travel through a metaphorical river of shit to save his wife. Unfortunately, though, I'm not certain he comes out clean on the other side.

"The Next Three Days"- a "thrilling examination of forced choices."

Well, now that you've heard my review, let's read some of yours in the YouTube comments.

Time to rate "The Next Three Days" on the Rate-o-Matic.

A “cool” and a “great”! With a solid premise, good acting, and loads of suspense, this film is certainly worth watching, despite some of its flaws. I gave it a “7” out of “10.”

Most of your reviews were positive, praising the action and suspense, but slighting it for being a bit unrealistic. You scored it an “8” out of “10.”

But that does it for tonight's films. So, now, let's take a look at what's currently playing in theaters, with some Tweet Critiques.

Remember, if you're going to the movies this weekend, make sure to submit your Twitter review, using the #JPMN hashtag, to have it featured on an upcoming episode.

Next week, we'll be taking a look at “Skyline,” an alien invasion-themed sci-fi film released last November...

and Disney's "Tangled," their latest animated musical about the legendary Rapunzel.

As always, I encourage you to buy, rent, or download these films before next week's episode...

and then let me know what you think about them by voting in the polls below, or by leaving me a comment review.

Once again, my name is Jonathan Paula. Thank you for watching “Movie Night.” I hope to see you right back here next Friday!

*end credits play*

*Remember to tune in to the season 10 premiere of the microwave show on April 1st!*